Internalised homophobia and how therapy can help
A common issue faced by many gay men looking for counselling is internalised homophobia. But what is internalised homophobia? Internalised homophobia is the shame of being oneself and comfortable with their sexual identity. Internalised homophobia can have a huge impact on gay men’s mental health, as well as influence their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Internalised homophobia results from the assumption that all people are or should be heterosexual. Many people grow up exposed to antigay bias and incorporating into their belief system that being gay is wrong, shameful and unacceptable. It occurs when a person is subject to society’s negative perceptions and stigma toward gay people. It presents itself in different thoughts, behaviours and emotions, all of which can lead to mental health problems. As a result, they may fear the consequences of being gay or others viewing them as gay. They then turn those ideas inward, believing that they are true, and experience self-hatred as a result of being a socially stigmatised person.
Internalised homophobia may affect gay, as well as bisexual men, in many ways. Gay people with internalised homophobia may lie to themselves about same-gender attraction, maintain secret same-gender relationships, or feel contempt, anger, or resentment toward other gay man. Some of the most common examples are: discomfort with other gay people, fear of discovery, heterophobia, feeling superior to heterosexuals, being attracted to unavailable people, and short-term relationships.
Internalised homophobia refers to the acceptance and internalisation of negative societal attitudes and stereotypes regarding one's own sexual orientation. It occurs when individuals who identify as LGBTQ+ internalise the prejudice and discrimination they face, leading to feelings of shame, self-hatred, or denial about their sexual orientation. This can be a result of societal norms, cultural influences, or personal experiences that stigmatise non-heteronormative identities. Addressing and overcoming internalised homophobia often involves self-acceptance, support networks, and challenging negative beliefs.
Internalised homophobia can manifest in various ways, such as reluctance to openly express one's sexual orientation, avoiding LGBTQ+ spaces, or even attempting to change or suppress one's identity. It can impact mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem. Overcoming internalised homophobia often involves fostering self-acceptance, seeking support from the LGBTQ+ community, and challenging societal stereotypes through education and advocacy. Open conversations, therapy, and creating affirming environments can be essential in the journey towards embracing one's authentic identity.
Identifying internalised homophobia involves recognising negative beliefs or feelings about one's own LGBTQ+ identity. Reflect on any self-judgment, shame, or discomfort you may feel. Seeking support from friends, family, or LGBTQ+ communities can be helpful in addressing and overcoming internalised homophobia.
Signs of internalised homophobia include:
Maintaining same-sex sexual relationships and keeping them secret out of shame.
Lying to oneself or denying one’s same-sex sexual desire.
Feeling a pervasive sense of shame about one’s sexuality, sexual attraction, and sexual behaviour.
Low self esteem, negative body image.
Contempt for the more open or obvious members of the LGBT community.
Believing that same-sex sexual relationships are bad Judging, hating, or bullying LGBTQ+ people.
Contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming out process.
Denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia or sexism are serious social problems.
Internalised homophobia may manifest as fear of judgment, difficulty accepting your own sexuality, or avoidance of LGBTQ+ spaces. Notice any self-sabotaging thoughts or attempts to conform to heteronormative expectations. Engaging in open self-reflection and, if needed, seeking therapy can aid in understanding and addressing these feelings. Therapy can be immensely beneficial for addressing internalised homophobia. A trained therapist provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore and understand these feelings, helping individuals navigate and challenge harmful beliefs. Through therapy, one can develop coping strategies, self-acceptance, and build a more positive self-image, fostering a healthier and happier life.
Additionally, therapy assists in identifying the roots of internalised homophobia, often stemming from societal norms or personal experiences. Therapists employ various techniques such as cognitive-behavioural therapy to challenge negative thought patterns and promote self-compassion. Working with a therapist can lead to increased self-awareness, improved relationships, and a greater sense of authenticity, allowing individuals to embrace their identity without shame or fear.
Furthermore, therapy offers a supportive environment for individuals to share their experiences and emotions openly. It encourages a deeper understanding of how societal pressures may have influenced self-perception. Therapists guide clients in developing resilience, empowering them to counteract external negativity and cultivate a positive self-esteem. Ultimately, the ongoing dialogue in therapy helps individuals build a foundation for self-acceptance, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
In addition, therapy provides a platform for individuals to process the impact of societal stigma on their mental health. By addressing the emotional toll of internalised homophobia, therapy contributes to reducing anxiety, depression, and other related concerns. Therapists guide clients towards developing self-compassion, encouraging them to challenge societal norms and create a narrative that aligns with their authentic identity. Ultimately, therapy serves as a crucial tool in fostering resilience, promoting mental well-being, and fostering a positive, affirming relationship with one's sexual orientation.
At LGBT Counselling we provide a safe, therapeutic, non-judgmental and confidential environment where you can talk freely and honestly about what is concerning you. If you're experiencing mental health problems or need urgent support, please feel free to contact us on 07594 970537,